I was still too wiped out to go even to the meeting this morning.  Back to bed for yet another day. I don’t know what’s Grief and what’s Addiction and what’s physical illness. I rather think its a combination of them all.

Best I also accept that I have nothing at all I want to write about just now. I am simply having experiences.  And SLEEPING.


Actually, I do have things to write but I feel like I shall take the lid off something explosive if I do write. Life seems to just be holding together and I am back in Kangaroo in Spotlight Mode. Frozen and afraid. Standing ever so still so I won’t be harmed. Thing is – there are things I need to attend to. Business matters – but I seem incapable of doing so. I am simply shutting down and enjoying the Kids but non-functioning in any other area. Soemtimes I simply want to sit down and sob. Sometimes I am just so frustrated to wake up and have such trouble breathing and not enough energy to even sit in a car and go to a meeting.

The weight stays on at 95 kilos and I am barely able to move at times. And sometimes, it breaks my heart. I want Izzy back. We looked after one another and things were easy. Now they are hard. Very hard. I think I have mucked up my money but can’t even bear to look at the account. That is only sometimes. Other times, I have the Little Girls. Other times, my brain kicks in and I function. Other times – well – Other Times have begun. Its been a long time without them. Sometimes, I am not devastated . Sometimes I am not afraid.


Strange Sensations After a Brain Injury | Living with Brain Injury

Strange Sensations After a Brain Injuryby Linda W. ArmsAfter a brain injury there are many strange sensations in our head and body.    For me, the sensations began a few hours after my injury and have slowly decreased in intensity and frequency over the last years.   Sometimes, lying awake at night, I would notice these and be afraid because I felt that no one really knew what was going on up there in my brain.   Science still refers to the brain as the “last frontier”.    I felt I was in a strange, mystifying state where that “brain fairy” was doing its work that others did not understand.I expect everyone with a brain injury has different sensations.   I’ve noticed from reading others’ experiences there seem to be some similarities.   How many of you felt the same things I did?

Source: Strange Sensations After a Brain Injury | Living with Brain Injury

BBC – Future – The daily struggle of living with extreme fatigue

It took years for Danny to be told the medical explanation for that exhaustion – and yet it is by no means unique. While many of the physical and verbal problems are well known, “cognitive fatigue” is one of the most disabling symptoms of a range of neurological disorders – and an important barrier to recovering a more active life.

Source: BBC – Future – The daily struggle of living with extreme fatigue


A clouded day with a lot of birds around. I feel much better today but still very weak and not taking myself far at all. It wears me down sometimes. The trees are in flower for the Springtime and its still and calm albeit grey skied.

I am still unpacking boxes and wondering about things. For today I am NOT in crisis. It is a great relief. Getting Halloween things ready. Minimal. And pottering.

The articles I am posting are part of my recovery. They are the things making sense of my own experiences. As I have so often said, Medicine and Medicos have provided almost no help. Its the articles and Blogs that have provided my much needed data and information.

THEN I AM LEFT with what remains.

Standing beside the dead body of my love – breath taken.

Lying in my own poo unable to move or speak.

The Horrors of Halloween are no longer unknown to me.


Balance Problems After Traumatic Brain Injury

People with traumatic brain injury (TBI) commonly report problems with balance. Between 30% and 65% of people with TBI suffer from dizziness and disequilibrium (lack of balance while sitting or standing) at some point in their recovery. Dizziness includes symptoms such as lightheadedness, vertigo (the sensation that you or your surroundings are moving), and imbalance.How bad your balance problem is depends on many factors:How serious your brain injury is.Where in your brain you were injured.Other injuries you had along with your brain injury. For example, in a motor vehicle crash, you could suffer a TBI, cervical spine injury, and rib and leg fractures. All of these injuries will affect your ability to maintain your balance.Some medications used to manage the medical issues connected with the traumatic event or acciden

Source: Balance Problems After Traumatic Brain Injury