Your three best doctors are faith, time, and patience.
—From a fortune cookie
No TV. No matter. I am enjoying myself. Mad as hell at the Gunna People. I WILL make it through this, you know.
The car is off the road. Kath is not doing local meetings so there is no lift to Urunga. Kaybee is staying home. People are crazy.
I can get by without a meeting. I have boxes for Cath who is taking the Shack and BevB has the antenna and the battery recharger. All is well.
Whoa I am so boiling angry. I rather think it might be a good sign. The old Tennis Eddie little blue flame of OUTRAGE that says ” YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME AGAIN. “
JUST for tonight, the massed years of recovery are surging through me. There is a black and white dog on one side of the neighbours and a black and white cat on the other. I take it to mean, for the moment that EVERYTHING IS BLACK AND WHITE.
I am so plain angry. Angry that I have felt like a burden on people – for being ill and damaged, for God’s sake. Angry for being ripped off by EVERYONE who has ripped me off. Listen, you little turdbrains – I AM BACK. God help you now. I am back and I am MAD.
Hopping mad. I am mad that I have allowed myself to be ‘ DEFEATED” and ‘ ASHAMED’.
Mad that ANYONE AT ALL takes advantage of people when they’re down.
Calming down now. I have been dealing with Unwell People who think they are Well. I always feel tainted when I do that. Step Back, Lynne. Step Back. Do not re-enter your panic zone. Begin to be more aware of who you are admitting into your inner circle.
Just pay the rent. Hire a Cleaner and and Tip person. No looking for easier softer ways.
Prepare to sleep now. You have your book. You have a comfortable bed. All is well. One way and another. Do it by the book Lucinda Mae. Do it by the book. Pay the rent. Hire a cleaner. Hire THEIR cleaner and search for someone who can do tip runs and bring the last load up here.
But not tonight. Tonight, its time to rest and smile. Rest and smile.
Journey To The Heart
Let the Miracle of Acceptance Find You
I found this miracle in a small church in New Mexico. The Sanctuario do Chimayo is famous for its healing powers and miracles. The ground under the church, some say, is particularly holy and powerful. Crutches– evidence of the healing miracles people experienced there– line the walls of the church’s back room.
Four years ago, a friend had sent me to the Sanctuario to find my miracle. It was three months after my son died. I didn’t know what miracle could possibly fix my situation. Now, sitting in the back of the chapel, I knew. I didn’t have any crutches to hang on the wall, but the miracle of acceptance had healed my heart and changed my life.
We may search for miracles that change our situation so we don’t have to deal with the loss or feel the pain. Sometimes we get that miracle. Our circumstances change. But sometimes the miracle we get changes us. If the situation is too difficult, the loss to painful to accept in one leap, take smaller steps. Accept what you’re feeling today. Accept who you are today. Accept what you think today.
Look for your miracles. Hope for the best. But when you can’t change what you’re going through, let the simple, quiet, daily miracle of acceptance find you.