SUCK ARSE DAY

“Memories streamed over her, and she sat up, images converging in her mind’s eye, the sneaker wave of grief catching her in its riptide pull once again, leaving her washed ashore, bereft, with two deep desires: to sleep forever, or to live life for them both. “Oh,”
Jacqueline Winspear, Journey to Munich

nbrg-light
light in north bellingen

I am still not doing very well. I am a mess. Totally a mess. My head is whirling and I am lost. The Internet is slow. I am not used to that. I didn’t get to a meeting and I didn’t get all my stuff out. $100 worth of cleaning is all.

I am still frozen like the Staffy and blank headed. Its cold . I shall have a hot shower and do some thinking.

I am living in a nightmare. A nightmare – alone. Now and then, I come across internet articles and am able to say – ” So that’s what happened. So that’s what’s going on with me”. If I were relying on real life medicos and support , I would truly be alone and lost.

Its evening now and I feel settled. I even feel a tingle of amusement at Life despite still having business to attend to. GET THE LAST BIT OVER AND DONE, LYNNE. Then – gently, gently.

Clarz had earrache today. I went to school with them and minded her in the car while Kaybee ran Saf in. I damned well will adjust to this new life somehows. I think the move has been a good one even though it don’t yet quite fit.

I am on my 4-5 pages of Net tonight and interacting with more people than I can actually handle. O Good Lord. Have mercy upon this Spotted Soul.

Well, there you go – wait a few more minutes and a suckarse day becomes quite pleasant.

“As friends they knew each other’s history, knew the twists and turns that had brought them to this place in the world. And they understood each other’s fears and frailties; nothing had to be explained. Now,”
Jacqueline Winspear, Journey to Munich

One of the things wrong with me is that I seem to have got it ALL WRONG. My entire life. I do not seem to be made of the Stuff that one ought to be made of. That is not an easy discovery and probably simply indicates lack of Meetings. Nonetheless, I am single, sick and poor with no security.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

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