LOVE THE MANY.
TRUST THE FEW.
LEARN TO PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE.
I have decided on a day at home. An OFF day but I don’t quite know what I want to do. The Pony is off the road as are all my cars. So now, I am deciding how to pass this day. There is a meeting in Bellingen tonight . I shall maybe book a taxi a little later.
In the meantime, however, I am a thinking. Thinking about the years with Izzy when I didn’t have to paddle my own canoe anymore. Now , all the old lessons are being re-learned. I have lost a goodly amount of faith in myself, life and God.
2 years on there is definitely an easing of the pressure of traumatic recovery. I am still jumpy about making mistakes and shaken when things go seemingly amiss. I am not greatly comforted by things which once worked for me but it is gentler even with Pony off the road and some hidden debts lurking.
Just for today, I am a little adrift. So – lets look back.
I used to live on a hill in Bilambil. In a lovely writer’s cottage and Jaybee and the Girls lived over at Kingscliff on the Beach. I drove all over the place in those days and had plenty of good meetings available to me. I thought there were some really happy endings in that period but they were Happy Nows that went off in all sorts of directions as Life does.
I lived on the Tweed from 2001 to 2009. First with Guy and then, as usual, by myself and then with Izzy. I did some teaching at Tweed Heads School and became Nana. One time, Jaybee came down with tropical pneumonia and was put into Tweed Hospital. That was a rough time.
It was also a time and place of adventure for us. I had so many meetings and good people and we had the children. I had my Mum’s car and freedom.