No one is forcing us to give up our misery.”
Basic Text pg. 29
A lift to a meeting with a handsome man in a fine car.
A damned good meeting.
A few odd chats at home.
A couple of meals from Lise.
Phone calls from Arkue.
A start on a Sepsis FB page for Australia.
Not a bad day. Pretty pain free. Better breathing.
When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.
Its a sweet night. Gentle in temperature and nature. I am eating pesto pasta and getting my head ready for bed. Softly. Softly. I have come to a strange new place in recovery where I think I MIGHT live somewhat longer . Where does that leave me ? How do I wish to live ? Where do I wish to live ? Its a bit strange. It appears that I shall have to live it with this faulty malfunctioning brain that stops and starts. It appears that I may not be able to breathe very well. Could be very interesting indeed.
The challenge is to actually LIVE. Izzy filled holes in me and my life that nothing else had been able to and when he was unplugged, so many good things died with him. If I allow my mind to wander into the Izzy Lands – I am in trouble. Then the managing of affairs and the restrictions to travel and the sheer loss of cherishing and being cherished and much more becomes UNBEARABLE once more. Then I become so sad. So sad that I don’t finish my Life up with the Helpmeet and beloved companion. All the Music has stopped.
Gradually, the agony diminishes but I still think its a sorrowful thing that has happened.