I am not by nature a cry-er – but if the particular group of people I am thinking of are all here at the same time next week – I think my tears may well fall.

I don’t suppose they know how many nights I think there may not be another time when I see them all together.


Still DOWN. Still AT HOME. Still BED-RIDDEN.

Still have my beautiful Girl bringing me dinner.

All out of my hands these few days. Can’t even get myself to the corner store. I do not know whether I am hospital level ill or not. I am surely not right.

Perhaps its good for me to live with these people. It breaks the days up somewhat. Lise has purchased and wrapped all my adult presents and I have only the children to get now.

The ducks who were ducklings only a dew weeks ago are coming to share our backyards as well.  Today, 2 of the men and a lad were here repairing bits and pieces. If I can adjust my thinking to the altered living situation, there could be some very good things here for me.


Journey To The Heart
December 18
Celebrate Holidays but Honour Your Holy Days

Holidays help us remember important national and religious events. Holidays are marked by the calendar.

Holy days are something else. Holy days are the days we remember not because they are marked on any calendar, but because they are important spiritual events to us. These are the days our souls remember. A birthday. The day a loved one left this earth. The anniversary of a significant change in our lives– the day we started something, the day we stopped doing something, the day we accomplished something important to us, a new beginning.

Celebrate the holidays marked by the calendar in whatever way you choose. Some of these may be holy days for you as well. But remember to honor your own holy days, the ones that are special to you.

Celebrate holidays, but honour your holy days,too. Choose your own rituals. Honour what is sacred to you.




Does anybody else here feel the need to get their medical notes from hospital? I am getting a copy of mine sent to me. My family and friends think I am mad, and that I shouldn’t do it, but I feel a real need to see and understand what happened. I feel like I need to talk about by experience but most people seem uncomfortable and think I should move on and not look back, but I feel I need to process it all in my head!

My family was an emotional reck and more focused on their own experience. I am still told not to live in the past (almost 8 years ago for shock and 7 for my last bought of Sepsis) but what they don’t understand is if my past never happened I wouldn’t have to live everyday with the damage I had to survive. I would love to never think about it again but until my body feels well I can’t help but think of my reality since I have to struggle to survive it!!
Of course we are happy to be alive but so much happened to get us there that we aren’t left unscared. I try to explain it as a body coming back from the dead like a living zombie lol