As you who read these blogs will know I have been struggling to reach a state where I am well enough to grieve. Today is a clear headed non toxic day andI can reach below physical illness to the searing grief of the loss of Izzy and our lifestyle. Finally I had a companion and helpmeet combined with the ability to really love and in one morning it was gone. I see the exquisite beauty of some of the older relationships and how I yearn for it.

When my Mum died and  I was trying to be with my Dad – he said clearly – ‘YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER ”

Its like that for me. I have good people and beloved family –  but they are not Izzy.

My leg is almost well again. My breathing has improved and I was ale to strip and make my bed. I am even bringing in the washing – a little at a time.

I took a ride to the cemetery at the top of the hill today. Its very hot. ITs a koala habitat up there. A few of my friends who died young from addiction are in there someplace and many of my children’s ancestors on their father’s side.

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