I have spent the afternoon at home. This is the end of our long Summer holidays and the Kids go back to school tomorrow. Quite a holiday it has been and I think I am finishing it with a slightly higher baseline than I began it with. I am still studying the Sepsis data and Facebook and blogs because its the one thing that matches almost all of what happened to me.

Twice this week I have been plain bored. I count that a great improvement.  Actually – I want something to do. I want an adventure.




I would like to say thanks for adding me. My name is Remah Howell and I am grateful to have found there are others who have survived sepsis. Last May we had a house fire. Right afterwards, I was helping cleaning up debris and started getting sick. I went to the hospital 3 times. They said I was suffering from GAD (anxiety) and sent me home. I went to my dr with a fever and she only done lab work and to come back in 24 hours if I still had the fever. Somewhere after that, I have no memory of, I was taken to the hospital again and placed in icu. There was a week in icu that I have no memory of except I believe in a moment I seen something. Later I was moved to another floor for another day and sent home. I was treated for pneumonia and sepsis. I did not know what sepsis was, I assumed it had something to do with my being on oxygen 24/7 now. I did not realize i could not walk until I tried to get out of the car at home. I did not realize I would be so weak. It was hard emotionally watching everyone doing the things I would have been in charge of. I tried to slowly take over my chores. They are too much for me. I am just now getting to the point that I can make coffee. Sometimes when I try to walk my hips will burn with pain. My arms and shoulders can ache without warning. I have to go and lay down. Laying down is something I can do, which I do not like to do. I have panic attacks. I can’t sleep at night. I wake up scared I might die. I wake up thinking and worrying about the week I lost in icu without knowing I was there. I cannot remember telephone numbers or simple facts. I am slowly being able to follow along a story line on the tv. My comprehension skills are horrible. Before this I had never been sick. Always healthy, enjoying life. Now, I have a bag of pills to take everyday. My b12 is low, my vit d is low, I got high blood pressure now, and thyroid problems. I tried to tell my dr about my exhausted feelings and she sent me to a counselor. I told her about not being able to climb steps they make me tremble and grow weak. My aches and pains and mental problems. The dr gave me antidepressants and said that if I had not improved by next visit, they might put me in the hospital. At that point, I decided to not talk about how bad I feel and stay away from most people. I keep thinking about the word ‘survivor’ too. Deep down I feel when I fought against sepsis that the biggest part of me died and what is here now was able to just crawl away. I am sorry for rambling.



Don’t let them tell you it’s in your head!
I have permanent heart, liver, neuro, and intestinal issues all due to sepsis. Took them 5 years to figure that out. Yes, counseling is great but it can def do organ damage as well. Hugs


Lynne Sanders-BraithwaitThat makes so much sense to me. Very close to my experiences. The only really good counselling advice I got 2ndhand from a friend whose psych said ” Your body has been through an earthquake and is still experiencing after shocks ” I am now 2 yrs 4 months away from the onset and this week feel fairly good and cheerful. I feel for you. Easily the most difficult thing I have ever experienced esp with the letdowns of the medical system. Hang in. Rest when you need. It is not in your head . It is in all of you. I brought a load of washing in today and am delighted.


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