Another heatwave day.
Another lonely and disappointed day.
Another day of hiding.
I am walking the most complex labyrinth of my life and following the thinnest silver thread. I could do with some al anon or codependent meetings. I am dancing in the shadows of other people’s lives and its not really working. Some chains have now been snapped and I can go further afield than I have been. But still I hide. Still I dare not venture far alone. Still I am housebound and lonely. And in a curious way – TIMID.
Today I did go briefly to town and to the Greengrocers where I had Juice – anti inflammatory juice. I bought some good food for home. Sushi and persian love cake.Spinach and cheese pie.
I also dealt with Centrelink and my rent assistance is restored.
Another thing I have done it to switch doctors. I like my young girls but do not have much faith in them as medicos. So I have made an appointment with an older man at the Bellingen Healing Centre.
That’s a few major things done even if the emotions are low.
Next – Close the blinds. Put on the Air con and give it up.
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Medical Acupuncturist and GP with over 35 years experience. He is particularly interested in assisting both adults and children in the management of musculoskeletal problems, chronic disease, mental health problems, the prevention of conditions such as migraine and challenging conditions where orthodox methods have been less than effective.
is a way of staying alive. Hiding is a way of holding ourselves until we are ready to come into the light. Even hiding the truth from ourselves can be a way to come to what we need in our own necessary time. Hiding is one of the brilliant and virtuoso practices of almost every part of the natural world: the protective quiet of an icy northern landscape, the held bud of a future summer rose, the snow bound internal pulse of the hibernating bear.
Hiding is underestimated. We are hidden by life in our mother’s womb until we grow and ready ourselves for our first appearance in the lighted world; to appear too early in that world is to find ourselves with the immediate necessity for outside intensive care.
Hiding done properly is the internal faithful promise for a proper future emergence, as embryos, as children or even as emerging adults in retreat from the names that have caught us and imprisoned us, often in ways where we have been too easily seen and too easily named.
We live in a time of the dissected soul, the immediate disclosure; our thoughts, imaginings and longings exposed to the light too much, too early and too often, our best qualities squeezed too soon into a world already awash with too easily articulated ideas that oppress our sense of self and our sense of others. What is real is almost always to begin with, hidden, and does not want to be understood by the part of our mind that mistakenly thinks it knows what is happening. What is precious inside us does not care to be known by the mind in ways that diminish its presence.
Hiding is an act of freedom from the misunderstanding of others, especially in the enclosing world of oppressive secret government and private entities, attempting to name us, to anticipate us, to leave us with no place to hide and grow in ways unmanaged by a creeping necessity for absolute naming, absolute tracking and absolute control. Hiding is a bid for independence, from others, from mistaken ideas we have about our selves, from an oppressive and mistaken wish to keep us completely safe, completely ministered to, and therefore completely managed.
Hiding is creative, necessary and beautifully subversive of outside interference and control. Hiding leaves life to itself, to become more of itself. Hiding is the radical independence necessary for our emergence into the light of a proper human future.
Excerpted from ‘HIDING’ From CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.
2015 © David Whyte:
PHOTO © David Whyte
Waiting Boat: River Cong: County Mayo: Ireland.