STILL STRUGGLING

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I WONDER whether there is any wisdom about DUCKS. I shall check my OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY. 

Well, there’s one for me.

JUST TELL YOURSELF, DUCKIE, YOU’RE REALLY QUITE LUCKY.” ― DR. SEUSS

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AT THE LYONS DEN 7 FEB 2017

I am going round and round and seem to be descending. Haven’t left the house and barely been upright. My Spirit is almighty dim. I remain defeated. WELL – almost:  I think that it is the living with an active alkie and having my finances in their care that is the most difficult thing.

Maybe I am not defeated . I have been lying on the bed like a starfish for days. Nights are OK but I do not want to face the days.

It is almost the anniversary of the passing of my sister.

Whatever is going on – I do not like it. I am unhappy and unmotivated.

BUT NOT RIGHT NOW. Its night and its dark and I am alone inside. And I am fine. Just fine. A few words with Arkue and I realised that it was neither foolish nor rash to want to live in a drug and alcohol free environment.  That means that the decision to begin looking for an alternative is not selfish or irrational but actually wise.  That has eliminated some of the feelings of craziness. I am enmeshed in an unhealthy situation. One which I have only endured a few times in  recovery and certainly not with people to whom I am not otherwise connected.

Right – one conclusion reached. That’s good enough for tonight. 

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“Melancholy is the happiness of being sad”
Victor Hugo

GOOD NIGHT, IZ. LIFE WITHOUT YOU IS ALMIGHTY BORING.

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