All posts by nellibell49

LYNNE SANDERS-BRAITHWAITE (BELL) . AN ELDERWOMAN LIVING IN BELLINGEN ON THE NORTH COAST OF NSW. I AM THE VILLAGE CRAZY LADY. THAT'S MY JOB.

LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE RUN OUT OF ROOM . FAREWELL FROM SILVERBIRD 5.

 

Due to my dedication to the free blogging sites , I have once more used up my space allocation and tomorrow will begin on SILVERBIRD 6.

TIME FOR SILVERBIRD 6.

A few words about today. I once again woke flat and unhappy but a phone call came quickly and it was Shaz asking me out for coffee. I didn’t realise she meant coffee in a different town and a wonderful drive thrown into the bargain. We did Nambucca, Macksville and Bowraville and I felt like a bird freed from a cage. What a difference that day has made to me. Thanks Shaz. You have NO idea !

A SCAN IN COFFS HARBOUR

16700353_10154371809596342_4674948363572453910_o
HARLEYS AT MACCAS IN COFFS

Still going downhill into a bleak place without much hope. I hate where I live. I feel very much alone and bored. Separate from family. I am now really broke when I was doing just fine. Buggared if I know what to do. I could try running through the Steps. I sure am out of all other ideas.

A couple of years of pure shite. I just don’t seem to get it right at all.

Its AA in town tonight but I just didn’t make it. Getting out of the house is SOOO difficult for me. Emotionally.  I am lost.

I had the liver scan today and we went to Maccas. Despair kicked in as I reached the prison that is my home at the moment. I went for a short pony ride and saw nothing that took my interest.

Now – I am feeling a little better as I identify the resentments I am holding and the expectations I have had of other people. Quite reasonable but nonetheless fatal to me.

I expected to be able to make a home here with security and that hasn’t happened.

I expected to be away from drugs and alcoholic thinking and that hasn’t happened.

I expected to see a good deal of my Girls and that hasn’t really happened.

I expected to be comfortable financially and that hasn’t happened.

I expected to get lifts and to be at ease on the pony and that hasn’t happened.

There you go – a big pile of resentments making me ill.

16649170_10154372163636342_6599007448042284197_n
BELLINGEN SHOWGROUNDS 9 FEB 2017 ON MY PONY RIDE

Well – I don’t have any solutions tonight. I don’t know what will get me out of the house and mixing with people. I don’t know what will ease the resentments. BUT I have turned the spotlight onto them and there is the start.

Its nearing midnight and I am quite happy around about then. When the rest of the world has signed off – I am OK.

“The rain began again. It fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfilment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall. ” HELEN, GARNER – | THE OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY

Today is a day like any other: twenty-four hours, alittle sunshine, a little rain.Listen, says ambition, nervously shifting her weight fromone boot to another — why don’t you get going?For there I am, in the mossy shadows, under the trees.And to tell the truth I don’t want to let go of the wristsof idleness, I don’t want to sell my life for money,I don’t even want to come in out of the rain.– Mary Oliver

Source: “The rain began again. It fell heavily, easily, with no meaning or intention but the fulfilment of its own nature, which was to fall and fall. ” HELEN, GARNER – | THE OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY

DUCKS AND OTHER BUSINESS

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I actually got up today. I knew I was going to a meeting. So I got up and the ducks were on the loose. Then Kaybee and Clarz took me to Urunga and I got a meeting in. I am still teary and flat but somewhat better. I have Arkue and Ana is mobile and doing meetings so there is the possibility of a lift to other meetings.

In the meantime – these few days suck. I am unhappy and lonely and still lost. I do not feel at home and I like feeling AT HOME. BUT it is just the meantime. THIS TOO WILL PASS.

sky
BACKYARD OF LYONS DEN

I GUESS I STILL HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER.

photo-on-2013-08-13-at-17-09-2

“Rubbish!” screamed a fat, elderly woman, in Richard’s ear, as he passed her malodorous stall. “Junk!” She continued. “Garbage! Trash! Offal! Debris! Come and get it! Nothing whole or undamaged! Crap, tripe, and useless piles of shit. You know you want it.”

― Neil Gaiman, Neverwhere

twofold-bay
TWOFOLD BAY YUIN COUNTRY

The Aboriginal Sunrise Ceremonies are very special to our people. It starts when the sky is black, beautiful black. When the sun’s yellow circle arrives, it turns the sky red. This is why the Aboriginal flag is half red, half black with a yellow circle in the middle. At the Sunrise Ceremony, I meditate and ask the Great Spirit for direction. My hands fill with electricity. I touch you and you feel it, too. I heal people this way. My Grandmother did that, too. I learned all about that when I was a young fellow. Umbarra, the Black Duck, is the special totem of our tribe, the Yuin. We learn to respect the elders who hand on the Law. The elders guard the Law and the Law guards the people. This is the Law that comes from the mountain. The mountain teaches the dreaming.

(c) Guboo Ted Thoma

The elders of the village are the boundaries. | THE OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY

Ituura rir kanono ritituhagia kahiuThe village, which has got a whetstone, does not blunt the knifeThe sense of the proverb is that if in a village there is a good whetstone it does not mean that the villagers should purposely blunt their tools in order to whet them.  The time will come when the shetstone will have to be used.Every thing is good in its season.http://www.misterseed.com/linkpages/PROVERBS2.htm

Source: The elders of the village are the boundaries. | THE OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY

Elders are protection, wisdom and support. | THE OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY

I lost my wisdom for a while there and reached for the solutions of the West and the Beaten. There are wise ways to pass through this – as an Elder. Head up. Shoulders back.

“Elders watch children grow, and when they are ready to move to the next level they go through ceremonies to move to the next level of learning. All learning and life is part of a movement from circle to circle outwards until you become an

Elder in the outer circle, protecting and caring for all.

DOMAN.

Source: Elders are protection, wisdom and support. | THE OLD PROVERBIAL RECOVERY